Figuring out sexual orientation and gender identity can be a big deal. For many, it’s a lifelong journey.
Self-reflection and finding community can be hugely helpful. Here are some tips for determining what kind of lesbian you are: Consider your past relationships and sexual experiences. Think about your sexual fantasies and what you enjoy about being around women.
Butch
A butch lesbian sits on the masculine end of the gender spectrum and is often characterized by a masculine appearance, short hair, and a chivalrous demeanor. She can be quite feminine, however, and may wear feminine clothes. A butch lesbian can also be a soft butch, which means she’s not as masculine but still identifies with the butch sub-culture.
A stud lesbian is Black or Latinx and indulges in femininity. These women are a mix of butch and femme and are sometimes called a “stem.”
A boi lesbian is boyish in appearance and identifies as female but too shy to be butch or clumsy enough to be a stem. She might rock a short haircut and enjoys sports and other activities that make her feel confident. A pillow princess prefers to receive pleasure during sex but is not interested in giving it. This term comes from the slang word for someone who likes to lay down on the bed and be pampered.
Feminine
Feminine is a term used to describe a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with girls and women. Often, people who identify as feminine have bangs, wear dresses, and may get weepy during sad movies. But these stereotypes can be misleading, and some people find femininity limiting and oppressive.
One way to determine if you are a femme is to reflect on your feelings towards women. Do you find yourself drawn to female protagonists in movies? Do you have a preference for feminine clothing, such as dresses and flowing skirts? Consider your past relationships and sexual experiences, as they may provide clues about your sexual orientation. Additionally, consider your sexual fantasies — do they include women? These are all signs that you could be a femme lesbian. But remember that sexuality is a fluid spectrum, and no quiz or test can definitively determine your sexual orientation. Only you can do that.
Alpha
If you’re an alpha, you might get a lot of eye-roll worthy comments about how you don’t “look like a lesbian.” These ladies are the toughest and most confident. They love sports, keep their hair short, and often have a muscular physique. They know how to own a room in a flannel and have gobs of sex appeal.
While this quiz can be a helpful tool to help determine what kind of lesbian you are, it’s important to remember that sexual orientation is fluid and personal. Reflecting on past relationships and sexual experiences can give clues about your orientation, but it’s ultimately up to you to decide where you fall on the LGBTQ spectrum. The key is to be open and honest with yourself, and to find a community that supports you. Good luck!
Chapstick
The term lipstick lesbian is used slangy in the LGBTQ community to describe a woman who is feminine and only attracted to women. This type of woman often wears lipstick, is interested in fashion, or has long nails. She may also be more masculine than the femme or butch lesbian. The name lipstick lesbian came from a quip made by famous gay host Ellen DeGeneres in 1997.
A Chapstick Lesbian is a person who is a bit of both a femme and a butch. She is feminine in some ways, but she also likes to dress casually and doesn’t have a lot of makeup on at all times. She may wear a flannel or have some manly interests, such as sports. A Chapstick lesbian tends to use she/her pronouns, but they may also switch to she/they or they/them depending on their preferences. They are similar to the Soft Butch, but not as masculine as the Manly Gay.
